How to Kill a Lion

How to Kill a Lion

Infosys Method:
1. Hire a lion

2. Send him for training in Mysore and make him feel like the KING OF THE JUNGLE.

3. Make him take a ‘Generic Compree Exam’…………LION TURNS INTO CAT

4. Make him take a ‘Stream Compree Exam’………….CAT TURNS INTO A MOUSE

5. Send him into production which has nothing to do with what he was
trained for.

6. MOUSE RUNS HERE AND THERE FOR HELP!!!

7. Send him mails telling about mandatory certifications.

8. MOUSE COMMITS SUICIDE.
TCS method:

1. Hire a lion
2. Give him hell a lot of work and pay him government salary
3. Lion dies of hunger and frustration

IBM method:

1. Hire a lion, give him a pink slip in an hour …
2. He dies of unemployment…

Wipro Method:

1. Hire a Lion
2. Give him a mail Id.
3. He will die receiving stupid mails all day……..!!!!

Cognizant Method:

1. Hire a lion… ask him to stay for late nights but give him no work to do.
2. Give him Gobi 65 to eat again and again.
3. Hire 100 more lions but do not increase the space to sit
4. Give them same Gobi 65 to eat
5. Hire 200 more……. and more …….

Accenture Method:

1. Hire a lion….
2. Send him to Chennai, India
3. Ask him to stay on bench for a long time
4. Ask him to eat idli, Dosa and Vada
5. No Hindi, kannada or no other languages speaking 
people other than TAMIL…
6. No good food, No water..
7. And say him “Go Ahead be a Tiger”.
8. Lion dies in confusion... he is Tiger or lion……

HCL Method:

1. Hire few lions….

2. Send lions from NCR to Chennai and lions from Chennai to NCR.

3. Train the lions on Java/Dot net and ask them to join testing team.

4. Give lectures on “Lions First” and ask them buy books on “Lions First”.

5. Relocate the lions from one Zoo to another Zoo and tell them you are to going a better Jungle.

6. Send old lions to African Jungles (read – onsite) and never rotate them to Indian Zoo.

7. Old lions at Africa becomes king of the jungle.

8. Indian zoo lions becomes frustrated waiting for onsite and eventually joins any of the above jungles (TCS, IBM, Accenture etc)

9. Lion dies according to reasons appropriate for above mentioned jungles (TCS, IBM, Accenture etc)

Tech Mahindra:

1. Hire a Lion.

2. Delay his joining.

3. Give assurance that company is nothing without the LION, But treat the Lion as a MOUSE.

4. Serve the food in 2 Packages . But only one Package will be in your cage. Other Package will be variable J.

5. Give a training of JAVA & ADV JAVA in a week and suck them until they clear it .

6. Spread the rumor that JUNGLE will be shifted to a better place which never happens.

7. Keep the name of the Zoo secret until there are no cages in the Zoo. The Lion has to find a cage in the Neighbouring Zoo.

8. Daily mandatory exercises regarding the Zoo Rules and Practices.

9. Make him grow old in the company without any apprisals for years tog ether. 10. Finally lion dies of Heart Attack seeing his bald head in the MIRROR after 5 years.

Have A Nice day