Jokes for You

1. An old man was walking along the road. A car stopped near him and a got out of it. He asked the old man,
Sir, shall I give you a lift?”
The old man replied,
No need I live on the ground floor”

2. Two pupils were fighting outside the examination hall. The teacher came out and said:
T : Why r u fighting?
S : Teacher, he left his answer sheet blank
T : Why should that bother you?
S : I too left my answer sheet blank
T : So…?
S : The teacher will think that we have copied from each other.

3. A : B, which is this crop in the farm?
B : This is cotton from which clothes are made.
A : Then when will shirts and pants grow on it?

4. Teacher : Why are you late?
Student : Because there was a sign which tells “School ahead, go slow”.

5. A : Why have you kept the newspaper in the fridge?
B : Because it is full of HOT NEWS.

6. Professor : What three words are the most used by college students?
Student : I don’t know.
Professor : Absolutely correct.

7. Conductor : Why are you getting an extra ticket?
Passenger : If I lose one ticket, the other would save me.
C : What would you do if you lose both?
P : I am not a fool. I have my bus pass.
C : ????????

8. Lady : The design of the sari is excellent. But the colour is not good.
Salesman : Don’t worry mam. The colour will disappear after the first wash.

9. Teacher : “I killed a person”, convert this sentence into future tense.
Student : The future tense “you will go to jail”.

10. Mother : Reena, tell me why does a bear have it’s body covered with hair?
Daughter : Actually Mom, there is no barber in the forest.
11.Man & wife catch a thief.
Fat wife sat on thief's back, askd hsband 2 go get Police,
hsbnd was takin time 2 find his shoes.
Thief cried: O meri hi jutti pa jaa!

12.A man wakes up in a hospital bed after a terrible accident and
cries - "DOC, DOC...I can't feel my legs, I can't feel my
legs!!!
"Well of course you can't silly!", replies the Doc... "I've cut
off both of your arms." 

13.A YOUNG GAL GOES SHOPPING.... .....

GAL :HOW MUCH 4 DAT DRESS ?

NAUGHTY SHOPKEEPER : 5 KISSES ONLY!

GAL :AND DAT DRESS?

NAUGHTY SHOPKEEPER :10 KISSES ONLY!

GAL :PACK DAT ONE

SHOPKEEPER [EXCITEDLY]: BILL PAYMENT PLZ..?

GAL : GRANDMA WILL PAY!!!!!!!!! !!!